I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
