i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
