Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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