Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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