I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
