I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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