I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
