id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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