eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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