I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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