your parents love me but you hate me
My friends, they love my intelligence
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
