me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
