Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
