Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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