How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
did i just pee glitter
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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