So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
