This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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