I feel great
I just peed on a car
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
