You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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