porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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