Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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