im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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