Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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