But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
