I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
