this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
