dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
