my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
