Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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