she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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