my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
