he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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