Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize