ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
