It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
