Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
