Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
