The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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