I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
