So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
