Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
