I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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