I didn't shave. On purpose
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
