Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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