remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
