Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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