You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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