i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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