Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
