i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
