This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
