I think my vagina is haunted
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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