your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
