i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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