I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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