But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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