Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
did you just send me my own nude
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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