Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
