just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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