Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
