Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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