She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
