these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
