he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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